If I ever needed a brain transplant, Id choose a sportswriter because Id want a brain that had never been used. Ramik Wilson Jersey .- Norm Van Brocklin When I was 13, I transferred to a new school for the first time. I had spent ten years from junior kindergarten through Grade 8 at the northwest corner of Bathurst Street and Viewmount Avenue in midtown Toronto. It was my home court advantage. I knew the roll of the rims and the carom of the walls and which teachers were lax at taking attendance. It couldnt last forever. At some point a promotion was coming, and my record setting minor league career wouldnt matter once new maths and makeup-laden girls challenged all that I had honed. I was heading to St. Andrews Junior High. Grade 9. The Show. Embarking on my first day in the wilds of the public school system, I knew I had to make my mark early. Mr. Pelech, my clever English teacher, noticed my t-shirt just minutes into the first class. It was a tattered, ink-drenched Grateful Dead concert tee. He remarked that "Grateful Dead" was an example of a contradiction. Contra what now? Coach tapped my shoulder and I hopped the boards. I proceeded to argue with a shellshocked Mr. Pelech for several minutes. My arguments were lithe, varied and completely illogical, but I had been trained to stand my ground no matter how ridiculous my position. Eventually, a hapless Mr. Pelech scanned the class and sputtered, "Just who is this guy?" Each one of my classmates shook their heads sheepishly as if to say uh, dont look at me. Mark made. Within two weeks I owned that school. They didnt realize the repressed explosiveness that ten years of private school Yiddish lessons would unleash. It is in this brazen spirit I introduce myself to you now, Dear Reader, as your new weekly columnist for Bardown. Why was I chosen as The One to guide you through the international sports landscape, particularly with so many scribes vying for your sports-saturated eyeballs? Commence the elucidation (AKA bring da noize): Basketball. This is my wheelhouse. I know all the lyrics to Kurtis Blows Basketball and I have for decades. I own a Sweet Georgia Brown-humming Harlem Globetrotters pinball machine from 1979. I still play pickup every week at a local high school against stiff competition in their very extremely late twenties. Also, I was an associate producer for the Toronto Towers of the NBA for nearly 500 games, post-games, pre-games and exactly five playoff games. Ooh, another thing, I call the Toronto Raptors the Toronto Towers because I have some self-respect. Baseball. I spent five teenage summers selling peanuts outside the Dome under the alias Mike Simmons. Despite a promising career as a sidearm Eephus pitch-throwing specialist, the leagues advanced scouts were never able to unravel the mysteries of my potential, because apparently throwing over the plate was a "prerequisite for success". Racists. I submit that using the All Star Game to decide home field advantage in the World Series is akin to the winner of the submission portion of Americas Funniest Home Videos determining the nominees for The Oscars Best Picture award. Also, you can thank me for getting the old Blue Jays logo back, as days after writing this piece, the marketing director for the Jays was following me on Twitter, and months later a new logo was born. Also, my therapist says I have something called a narcissistic personality disorder. Football. In 1998, I moved to Los Angeles to pursue the dream of being rich and famous which is why you know me so well today. That same year I became a fan of an upstart outfit known as the Baltimore Ravens because I thought Ray Lewis was almost definitely innocent of murder and I am obsessed with Edgar Allan Poe. Fifteen glorious seasons later I have two championship rings (made of foil and buttons) as my testament. I have correctly predicted, in pre-season, the Super Bowl participants for 13 consecutive years and I defy you to prove otherwise. (Note: Please dont reference my Twitter feed. Just be cool. This claim is all I have.) Hockey. I worked camera on the 2003 documentary A Day in the Life of the Maple Leafs so I know a thing or two about hockey. Well, exactly two things. One, when I was eight years old, my teenage neighbour convinced me his Mats Naslund rookie card could be mine for the extremely low price of my 1979 O-Pee-Chee Wayne Gurtski rookie card. (Note: I have forgotten how to spell that particular Edmonton Oilers name. At least my night terrors have subsided.) Two, I have developed an algorithm demonstrating the NHL to be the worst run league in the history of Industry. It involves a complicated geometric measurement involving my eyes and common sense. (A fact I will gladly prove over and over again until they, oh I dont know, realign the conferences to have an equal amount of teams. Lets start there.) Fantasy Sports. I Am Legend. In its heyday of 2001, my sprawling website, mikegallay.com, was a sports fantasy powerhouse boasting 16 writers covering all sports, catering to an audience of nearly 16 unique daily readers (and fans of ravines who misspelled mygulley.com). Chances are, if you were a Canadian sports fan in the early 2000s, you were reading articles about topics we also covered on mikegallay.com. The Professor And Mary Ann. I will happily cover all the secondary sports every time a participant either murders someone, is attacked by a spouse using the tools of their own sport, has sex on camera on TMZ, or breaks an important racial, cultural or gender barrier while also keeping our interest for more than eight minutes. Thats my pledge. Am I the precisely correct author to bring you whimsical, satirical, deadly accurate analysis of the sports that matter to you? Absolutely. And can I say that with total sincerity because part of my contract stipulates I have no editor? Two for two. Have I earned your attention to read my column next week? Lets put it this way. My topic will be 23 Ways to Make Over 7K a Week Working Part Time From Your Couch. My third column will be Bardown Seeks New Columnist, No Experience Required. Gallays Poll #1 What would you like to see Gallay write about in his next column? a) A 20,000-word essay conclusively proving Mike is the third Williams sister. b) Doug Gilmours Secret Recipes for 3am Snacks. c) My Weekend In The Hamptons With Barry Bonds. d) No column, just use this space to expand Badminton coverage. John Franklin-Myers Rams Jersey . According to TSNs Farhan Lalji, Richardson is heading to Toronto for a physical and is expected to sign with the Argonauts. Ndamukong Suh Rams Jersey . J.J. Hardy drove in a run for the Orioles, who bounced back from an 8-4 loss in the series opener on Friday. Fresh off the 15-day disabled list, Derrek Lee went 2-for-4 with two runs scored. Jake Arrieta (7-3) gave up three runs on five hits over six innings to pick up the win. http://www.authenticramsfansclub.com/Black-Friday-Brandon-Allen-Jersey/ . Bjoerndalen broke the record he shared with cross-country skiing great Bjoern Daehlie, also matching his fellow Norwegians record of eight gold medals. Bjoerndalen earlier won gold in Sochi in the mens sprint biathlon.PHOENIX -- Tony Campana was the unlikely hero and Brad Ziegler gained a measure of redemption, even if he didnt look at it that way. The light-hitting Campana singled home Martin Prado from third base with two outs in the ninth inning to give the Arizona Diamondbacks a 4-3 victory over the Milwaukee Brewers on Wednesday night. Ziegler (3-1), who gave up the deciding grand slam in Tuesday nights 7-5 Milwaukee victory, retired all four batters he faced, three by strikeout, to get the victory. In the ninth, Prado doubled with one out to deep left centre off Brandon Kintzler (1-3), advanced to third on David Peraltas groundout, then scored when Campana slapped one up the middle. Campanas first career walk-off hit raised his batting average to a whopping .150. "It was cool. I dont think Ive ever done it in the minor leagues, either," he said. "If Im here, Im happy." Campana made the big league club out of spring training but, after going 1 for 30 at the plate, was sent down to Triple-A Reno on May 1. He was called back up last Friday. Campana may not hit well but he is fast. "Actually it couldnt have worked out better to have him up there," Arizona manager Kirk Gibson said, "just because we had a guy on third base and just his wheels, it can pressure them, makes them come in and cheat in. He put the bat on the ball." Ziegler said he wasnt thinking about retribution when he came out of the bullpen. "I dont know what the TV broadcasters got going. Theyre probably bringing up yesterday a lot," he said, "but were not. Were just watching the game flow. With nine righties in the (Brewers) lineup, I knew there was a good chance Id pitch." Khris Davis hit a three-run homer for the Brewers runs. Arizonas Chris Owings, hit below the back of the head by a pitch from Kyle Lohse on Tuesday night, was a home run shy of the cycle. He was robbed of a fourth hit by a diving stop by first baseman Mark Reynolds. Jonathan Lucroys grand slam on Tuesday came one pitch after reliever Evan Marshall hit Ryan Braun with a pitch and was ejected. Wednesdays game had no such drama. &"We didnt do a lot offensively," Brewers manager Ron Roenicke said. Ndamukong Suh Jersey. "We just had the one inning with Davis hitting a three-run homer. Besides that, we didnt swing the bats very well" Starters Wade Miley of Arizona and Matt Garza of Milwaukee left without a decision after 7 2-3 innings. Miley gave up three runs and five hits, striking out eight with no walks. Garza allowed three runs -- two earned -- and seven hits. He struck out four without a walk. Miley retired 10 straight, striking out Ricky Weeks and Braun to start the eighth, but walked Lucroy and Carlos Gomez. That ended Mileys night. Ziegler came in and fanned Aramis Ramirez. Garza retired 15 of 16 before Owings one-out double in the eighth. Paul Goldschmidts groundout moved Owings to third, but Brewers setup man Will Smith came on to strike out Miguel Montero and end the threat. Miley had fanned four straight when Lucroy led off the fourth with a single. Gomez, back after sitting out two games with a sore hamstring, moved Lucroy to third with a single, extending his hitting streak to 14 games, matching his career-best. Arizona got two in the Brewers sloppy first inning, one unearned. Gerardo Parra tripled down the right field line, then Owings singled him home. Goldschmidt followed with a grounder to the second baseman Weeks, whose errant soft toss to shortstop Jean Segura covering second left both runners safe. Montero followed with a grounder to short for what looked to be an inning-ending double play. Segura threw to Weeks for the force at second, but the throw to first bounced in the dirt and the runner was safe, allowing the second run to score. In the third, Owings tripled off the centre field wall and scored when Goldschmidt singled for his 52nd RBI. The Diamondbacks will try to salvage a split of the four-game series Thursday. NOTES: Gibson says his scathing comments on Brauns PED use in 2011 season had nothing to do with Braun getting plunked Tuesday night. ... In the series finale on Thursday, Milwaukee will start Yovani Gallardo (4-4, 3.51 ERA) and Arizona goes with Chase Anderson (5-1, 3.23). Cheap Canadiens Jerseys Cheap Predators Jerseys Cheap Devils Jerseys Cheap Islanders Jerseys Cheap Rangers Jerseys Cheap Senators Jerseys Cheap Flyers Jerseys Cheap Penguins Jerseys Cheap Sharks Jerseys Cheap Blues Jerseys Cheap Lightning Jerseys Cheap Maple Leafs Jerseys Cheap Canucks Jerseys Cheap Golden Knights Jerseys Cheap Capitals Jerseys Cheap Winnipeg Jets Jerseys ' ' '